If this is your first time getting a divorce, the process will naturally be unfamiliar. Many seek advice from family members or friends, but it’s important to take these tips with a grain of salt. Often, what you hear about divorce is either completely wrong or not applicable to your situation. Believing divorce myths can have real-world consequences, potentially leading to a lopsided settlement. Here are some of the most prevalent myths about divorce and the truth behind them:
Key Takeaways
1. Adultery Affects Property Division
Myth: If your spouse is cheating on you, you may think you have the upper hand in negotiations.
Fact: In reality, the legal system does not care about adultery. An affair will rarely have any impact on the asset division process. The court focuses on an equitable distribution of property, which means fair but not necessarily equal. Factors like the length of the marriage, contributions to marital assets, and each party’s economic circumstances are considered.
2. Mom Will Get Custody
Myth: The mother is the default person for custody.
Fact: This is not guaranteed. Custody decisions are based on the child’s best interests, not gender. Joint custody, where both parents share parenting time, is common. Courts consider various factors, including the child’s relationship with each parent, the parents’ ability to cooperate, and the child’s adjustment to home, school, and community.
3. DIY Divorce is Quick and Easy
Myth: A do-it-yourself divorce is an easy and quick solution.
Fact: Divorce is a complex process fraught with legal and financial issues. While the idea of handling your divorce without professional help may seem appealing, it usually does not work out well. Mistakes in paperwork, overlooking critical issues, or failing to consider long-term financial impacts can lead to significant problems. It is better to get help from professionals to ensure all aspects are properly addressed.
4. Women Always Get Alimony
Myth: Spousal support is automatically awarded to women.
Fact: Spousal support depends on the financial resources and needs of each person, not gender. Men can also receive spousal maintenance. The court examines factors such as the duration of the marriage, the standard of living established during the marriage, and each party’s earning capacity.
5. I Have to Get Divorced in the State We Were Married
Myth: Divorce must be filed in the state where the marriage occurred.
Fact: Under Pennsylvania and New Jersey law, you can file for divorce where either spouse has resided for the last six months. This means you could have been married in one state but moved to another and file for divorce there.
6. Because the House is in My Name, It’s Mine
Myth: The spouse whose name is on the house title owns it.
Fact: In both Pennsylvania and New Jersey, marital assets are divided through equitable distribution, which means fair but not necessarily equal division. The title on the house does not determine ownership. Instead, the court considers factors like the length of the marriage, each spouse’s financial contribution, and the needs of each party.
7. Before Filing for Divorce, We Have to Go to Counseling
Myth: Counseling is a court requirement before divorce.
Fact: Counseling is voluntary and not a court requirement. While counseling can be beneficial, it is not mandated by the court before filing for divorce. Each spouse has the right to file for divorce without attending counseling sessions.
8. Mediation Means Divorced Couples Must Still Hire Lawyers
Myth: Mediation eliminates the need for lawyers.
Fact: While mediation can streamline divorce issues, it’s wise to consult an attorney to ensure the agreement is properly filed and validated. Mediation helps couples reach an agreement on various issues, but legal guidance is essential to ensure that the settlement complies with legal standards and protects each party’s rights.
9. Getting Divorced is Expensive
Myth: Divorce is always costly.
Fact: Divorce can be reasonably priced if you are clear about your goals and work with a competent attorney. By being organized, cooperative, and focused on reaching a fair settlement, you can minimize costs. Alternative dispute resolution methods like mediation can also help reduce expenses.
10. Divorce Will Not Impact Our Children
Myth: Children remain unaffected by divorce.
Fact: Children often absorb the stress and changes around them. It’s crucial to explain the situation to them and provide support. Addressing their emotional needs and maintaining open communication can help them cope better. Seeking the help of a family therapist can also be beneficial.
11. Having Children Will Prevent Divorce
Myth: Having kids will save a marriage.
Fact: Children do not fix marital problems and may even exacerbate existing issues. If there are underlying issues, having children will not resolve them and may introduce additional stress.
12. All Divorces Go to Trial
Myth: Every divorce ends up in court.
Fact: Most divorces are settled out of court, which can save time, money, and emotional distress. Alternative dispute resolution methods like mediation and collaborative divorce allow couples to reach agreements without the need for a trial.
13. All Property Will Be Split Equally
Myth: Everything will be divided 50/50.
Fact: Property division is based on equitable distribution, meaning fair but not necessarily equal division, and varies by state. Courts consider factors like the length of the marriage, contributions to marital assets, and each party’s economic circumstances to determine a fair division.
Divorce is a complex and emotionally challenging process, often surrounded by myths and misconceptions.
Understanding the realities can help you navigate the process more effectively. It is always best to consult with a knowledgeable family law attorney to get accurate information tailored to your situation.
Related Resources: Navigating Divorce Planning, Preparation, and Complex Issues
Petrelli Previtera, LLC offers a comprehensive suite of resources to support you through the challenging journey of divorce. We understand the complexities involved and provide practical guidance on divorce laws, debunking myths, and approaches to asking for a divorce, support for difficult situations such as divorcing a narcissist. Our mission is to bring our clients from chaos to clarity during this transformative period.
Also, find related topics for Self-Care During Divorce, including the Emotional Toll of Divorce and strategies for coping, and read tips for managing Fatigue During a Divorce and maintaining your well-being. We also have interpersonal tips for navigating the challenges of Divorcing a Narcissist and addressing the Impact of Divorce on Children and safeguarding their emotional health. Please note the information provided here is for general purposes and should not replace professional legal advice. Each situation is unique, and we encourage you to seek personalized guidance from our attorneys.
Contact Petrelli Previtera, LLC today to schedule a consultation.
Our team is dedicated to supporting you through your divorce, offering advice and a path towards a brighter future post-divorce.